08.06.2008
 worked my ass off for 6 days straight, and rent has been paid.
thank fuck.

beat cops has a pre-halloween show coming up at the elbo room !
 yay something to look forward to!!!

also , i'm  now beginning the process of booking 36 performers
for the upcoming 4th annual  [:] p l u g [:] global headphone festival.

 if you play weird stuff and you live in the bay area,
you can contact the deletist to reserve a 20 minute slot
or submit a performance application via the site.

it's happening on october 10th & 11th at 5lowershop,
streaming live around the world as part of le placard .

this year, san francisco 's festival will be heard after london's and before krakow 's festival.

 it's free.
and it's always fucking amazing...

yay... something else to look forward to.



07.30
 rent is due again
and my bank account is in the red....
what the fuck else is new?

the last bleakhaus show was throughly enjoyable.
Mr. Cluck had a circuit bent teddy ruxpin with glowing red eyes..
it was a good ending...
until i have made it past the disasterous phase of
rebounding with drugs and/or other such disappointing vices,
 pleasure deprivation has its own rewards...

i'm almost finished with the gee vaucher mural i've been painting on my bedroom wall.
it speaks to me clearer than the muted and cryptic words
that often escape middle class mouth holes.
so i stay home and avoid people
 until a better moon comes around..



07.24
 spent the last 2 days recording a big black cover song
jordan minnesota,
but  i felt so drained today that i
passed out on the bathroom floor.
and even though i cannot afford it, i called in sick to work.and slept until 3...
had weird, but strangely comforting lucid dreams all morning.
and crept around feeling very fragile all day..

 solitude is the only thing that consistently repairs
my societal wounds.....
.
then  i ate some vegetables and fruit,
and went swimming later which always
makes me feel less nihilistic and self-debasing.

so i am my own mom:
i highly recommend eating vegetables and fruit,
drinking tea and going swimming at night

..........to avoid wallowing in your own hell..........
it'll still  be there later if you start to miss it. .

 [ insert unconditional loving hug here ].

thanks mom.
yer welcome.



07.21
 when you expect whistles, it's flutes...
when you expect flutes, it's whistles

apparently, cuteness is the uber alles,

just barely made my table fees back at zinefest,
and although that was sad,
when i talked to ramsey about the fact that,
although he is the originator of AK  PRESS , he now
felt like a minority opinion within his own creation,
and launched a new project PM PRESS ,
i could not breach the subject further;
being that such an incredible sense of disbelief and disappointment is so very close
to my own experiences, that i would just have to fucking cry in public...

he seemed to be handling it much better than my own oversensitive ass would. .

howerver, i did score this fucking rad erik drooker tshirt, as well as
meeting a very  cool woman named sara from brooklyn,
who offered to distribute comix there... 
so all was not lost.

but the spattering comments that keep repeating in my head from people who passed by  were
 "what inspired you to make these things?"
i answered, "anger"
"but what do you do when the anger is over?" , she replied.
 "The ANger Is Never OVer!"

fucking look around you!

Later, a girl picked up the " BURNING MAN IS FOR YUPPIES " button and said
 "I totally agree with this, but I could NEVER wear it!" and put it back down.

is this just due to post 9-11 pussydom?

then this guy walked over,
picked up a " YOU ARE THE REASON FOR THE JIHAD " button and said,
"that's just too brutal"
and left...

so unless it's pink and cute ,
it's abhored..

and through my hatred filled vow of celibacy
i say to the CUTE PINK WORLD
that secretly, or not so secretly.
despises all truth in its brutal honesty
FUCK ...YOU..!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

here's where i listen to watain.



07.18
 i was impaled on the horn of dagoth and it felt great.
there's nothing wrong with me that a good impaling can't fix.

tyring to confirm the next few bleakhaus shows,
and especially looking forward to
BLACK MAYONNAISE
P.E.R.E.N.I.U.M .
DROUGHTER
SABRETEETH
and PRIZE HOG
playing with the ever doom-conjuring WELDSCHMERTZ.

 in case you were wondering,
weldschmertz means
 "the resulting depression when one compares
their ideal state of the world
with the actual state of the world".



07.14
 woke up the other day and rode my bike past a huge puddle of blood on the street where someone had just  been stabbed to death.
the night before i heard 5 rounds go off just outside my window.
it's the ms13 kids doing their thing again,
but i couldn't help yelling out the window,
 "SHOOT THE YUPPIES INSTEAD!"
doubt they were listening.

tonight is the HORN OF DAGOTH show.
i will go as soon as i'm finished screenprinting all the new pairs of
NOT YOUR BITCH underwear,
and all will be
BLACKER THAN THE BLACKEST BLACK TIMES INFINITY.
07.02
i'm busy making crazy amounts of new buttons for the upcoming  SF ZINE FEST including
" GET A FIRST LIFE", " AMY GOODMAN FOR PRESIDENT ",
"THERE'S NO REHAB FOR STUPIDITY ",
and the ever amusing " DICK BURGER"
that features dick cheney's face where the beef usually resides...
 right under the cheese.

just for fun, i had to make some METALOCALYPSE buttons to
 CELEBRATE MY UNFORGIVING HATE. .
it's the best cartoon ever!!
( right up there next to the animator  DON HERTZFELDT )
 and causes endless trickles of pee to squirt forth whilst i'm laughing my guts out.

laughing helps....

a lot..



06.28
after six days of drinking and trying to fill that social hole ,
i went to see some bands play at edinburgh castle.

 memorable moments include the conversation amongst strangers in the girls bathroom
concerning those new condoms that have a numbing effect on the penis so as to insure a greater chance of orgasm on the female's part.
 what are the chances!?

then.  back to the band in a room full of coke ridden 23 year olds, there came a moment,
just as satan was walking into the room, that the power was blown.

i used to work at the castle as a waitress.
even though i was terrible, i still have 5 years of memories in that place....
and here i am 10 years later ,
still alive but grateful for the gut wrenching episoldes
because they were the spawning of bitter pie comix in 1998.

then the music was over.
people turned their backs to me while i was talking to them,
and in my drunken clarity,  i realized it was time to go home and take a bath.

perhaps now i may return to my normal life of solitary sober living,
concerned only with creativity and
 avoiding society's mediocre obsession with breeding and popularity.

but it was sort of fun while it lasted.



06.24
 after a full weekend of awesome,
which is a wonderful change from the previous few weeks of living in bummertown
population me,
i was overwhelmingly inspired by watching the drummer from BORIS
play at a free show for employees inside amoeba berkeley.

also, WELDSCHMERTZ got to perform onstage for the first time ever
conjuring the cellos of doom to a sweaty debut.
it was also a good time playing with BEAT COPS at annie's for our first show with a real sound person, albeit the necessary drunkenness...
however, i was pissed that the door guy asssumed
that brianne and i, being of the female persuasion, were not in fact members of the band,
but merely girlfriends and/or groupies.
 so invalidating.

 it's usually cold in san francisco during the summer, or at least it has been for the last 12 years,
and now all of a sudden it's hot as fuck.
globalmotherfuckingwarming i'm guessing.
which makes me so mad at people driving cars
that i had to yell at them.
yelling is fun .
 but more importantly, my new mantra is
ANIMALS, TREES, FISH AND THE OCEANS GET MORE:
HUMANS GET LESS.



05.22
welly welly welly well...
 we're live in bitter pie land...
once again, narrowly defeating the constant battle with poverty,
thus a new website has been spewed out!!
notice my long time former domain name notyourbitch.net
has now become a porn site...
like there's not enough of those?
 whatever boobs.

despite my former anti-blog policy
(after 2003 it left an odd taste in my mouth),
i have come to accept the responsibilty involved in putting things down on
paper/code.

maybe i could talk about the lucid dream i had last night?
or how happy i am being single and self-sufficient?
or how angry i am that i still live in america?
or how scary and simultaneously tempting the thought of relapse is?
or how much i love my 1896 red piano...
possibly more than i have ever loved another human being.
possibly.

but i don't think i want to go in to any of that ...
it's too masturbatory.
so i might as well just knock one out for real...
real horrorshow.


05.14.2008
 this page is gonna be a blog.
but i will call it a phlog instead.
 so there.
08.27
when things go from bad to worse,
sometimes the best thing to do is just
open the wound and
watch it bleed...

then when you wake up the next morning,
you'll wonder what all the bleeding was about,
look at the wound and
watch it  heal...








08.13
it's surprisingly hard to find people motivated to DO SHIT sometimes,
which makes those who have some fire under their ass so much more appreciated.
[ ie: dogwater in seattle and m from nullspace.. ]

i also wonder what it is about a woman saying
"i really like your music, i hope you'll play at the headphone festiva!"
that would illicit a response such as
"i have a girlfriend."

WHAT THUH FUCK!?
just because i like the music you make doesn't mean i wanna stick yer dick in my mouth
and lick the sweat off yer balls.

speaking of RELATIONSHIPS
...oh...nevermind...
it makes me cry.

and sometimes,
crying helps....
09.07.

after having fulfilled some rather demanding obligations to that beast
my cunt
things have balanced out considerably.

needed to get out of town,
so a friend and i flipped a coin and went
into the bowels of sacramento valley
just to let the eyes realize that
out there
is a sprawling sea of identical emptiness,
beige stripmalls and a deep seated depression
that thickly undercoats the sickness of american existence
which no amount of xanax, plastic surgery or shopping will ever beautify.

did shitloads of coke, mushrooms, weed and booze
but still felt completely sober.

then we went swimming in the pool
which was actually the best part.

walked over to denny's for breakfast
only to witness a fistfight by 2 aging suburban moms over visitation rights.

it was the ultimate in disappointing vacations
but somehow,
it made me feel better.

my life is relatively okay.
so i quit complaining!

busy researching and drawing the next issue #20
and am quite enjoying reliving my first meeting of the
infamous anal cunt.

they are so funny.

last month's bleakhaus show at 5lowershop with
BLACK MAYONNAISE, PRIZE HOG, DIRTY CENTAUR,
PERINEUM, SABRETEETH AND WELDSCHMERTZ 
was FUCKING AMAZING by the way...

the evil has been exorcised.
grazie luciano...
PHLOG IT!